I heard we made out
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
