I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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