You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
where are my eyebrows?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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