So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
two words: eviction party
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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