You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
