between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
