Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
