Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
