im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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