hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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