there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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