Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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