Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
