we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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