Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
