I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
