let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
