sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
