My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize