I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
