Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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