they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
