Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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