I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
