yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
