Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I love you.
Bad choice
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
