Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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