we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
