I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
