You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
