I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
