I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
