Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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