drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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