Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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