She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
