i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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