I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
