I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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