You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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