please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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