You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
