I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
