tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
