i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
