I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
