great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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