I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
