i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
