We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
