Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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