I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
