My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
tell me about the fingering
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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