so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
