Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
