I hate your face
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
