so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
