hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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