dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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