I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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