I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
