apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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