Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
