i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
worst night to have a conscience
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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