Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
