Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize