I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
