What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize