i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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