Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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