never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
