how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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