i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize