she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
