Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize