also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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