Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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