She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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