Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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