I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
