Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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