On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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