Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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