whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
