I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
