I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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