Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
