He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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