she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
