I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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