He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
