help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
