it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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