Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
