I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
