The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
