Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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