tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
