Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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