So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
