You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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