if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
