He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
