...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
