It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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