**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They took my balls.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
