Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
