One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
