I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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