I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
